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Cyber Mercenaries For Hire

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Published by Mr Kirkland June 16th, 2009 in webmastering. 0 Comments

I have one or two allegedly white hat friends and enjoy stories of lore and legend regarding their chivilarous and well contained sporting activites. However when it comes to professional cyber crime, I feel my Tokyo life is somewhat sheltered from the darker forces that glide through the veins and fibre cables of the internet (this may be in part to being a non-windows user), so I was rather intreiged by one of this morning’s comments on my blog:

Tired of a competitor’s site? Hinder the enemy? Fed pioneers or copywriters?

Kill their sites! How? We will help you in this!
Obstructions of any site, portal, shop!

Different types of attacks: Date-attack, Trash, Attack, Attack, etc. Intellectual
You can work on schedule, as well as the simultaneous attack of several sites.

On average the data, ordered the site falls within 5 minutes after the start. As a demonstration of our capabilities, allows screening.

Our prices

24 hours of attack - $ 70
12 hours of the attack - $ 50
1 hour attack - $ 25

I note that perhaps a copywriter/proof reader might benefit this particular ‘Cyber Mercenary’, or perhaps there is a subtle difference in the third line between ‘Attack’ and ‘Attack’ to which I am not yet attuned.

Oh, and here’s an example attack that was “clearly ordered by someone”.

Tate Modern, Brick Lane and negative utilitarians

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Published by Mr Kirkland April 28th, 2009 in Uncategorized, other and sensible. 0 Comments

Just at the end of my trip to the UK, highlights include:

  1. A visit to the Tate Modern

  2. A stroll down Brick Lane with master painter Darvish Fahkr

  3. And lunch with ‘Philospoher’ David Pearce

My Secret Voodoo SEO Technique

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Published by Mr Kirkland March 29th, 2009 in Google, search and webmastering. 3 Comments

I’ve been on the fringe of the SEO industry for over 10 years now. I’ve have watched it change from the good old days of when keyword stuffing would get you at the top of AltaVista to the modern day which uses some of the worlds most sophisticated software and technology.

And after experimenting, researching, listening to White Hats, Black Hats and an entourage of other SEO guru’s I’ve come to the conclusion that now-a-days effective “SEO” has become pretty simple. Not necessarily easy, but it is simple. The 3 steps below are my ’secret’ formula which has worked well, for instance most of our business leads for The Artists Web come from natural search and our advertising budget is practically zero.

Step 1. Get a high Page Rank

This is more important than anything else and also significantly more difficult than the following steps. I’m sure you already know what Page Rank is - and that getting a high PR is basically down to how many quality incoming links you have. In essence what the rest of the internet is doing is more important than what you do on your own site.

In my opinion, the most effective long term ways of getting incoming links are

  • Have a regularly updated interesting website/blog
  • Create a great web service
  • Create some viral content
  • Make lots of friends

Step 2. Know your target subject and keywords

Your website has a theme, and you have a target audience you wish to attract. Obviously the theme and the search terms your target audience use must align. Moreover use keyword tools to find out the specific language most commonly used - for example is which term is most searched “sell artwork” or “sell paintings”?

Step 3. Create a high PR page for the subject/keyword in question and apply a few simple techniques

Finally you create a page on your site, give it as much page rank as you can and make sure you are using the keywords appropriately. These techniques will help, but they are no silver bullet - really the without the first step (getting the high page rank) any SEO ‘technique’ is going to be of limited use.

  • Link to the page from every page on your site, or at least from your higher PR pages e.g. the home page. This ensures you are allocating as much page rank to the page as you can.
  • Put the main keywords in the page title
  • Write a compelling Meta Description, the meta description is often used on the search results page, this is your chance to write some compelling copy which encourages people to click on your link. Don’t worry about keywords, consider it similar to writing the copy on a paid search advert.
    Meta Description appearing in search results
  • Phrase your copy to natuarlly include search phrases. This is the only ‘trick’ that I use, just bare in mind your target search phrases. e.g. for the phrase “sell paintings”:

    Okay

    Selling paintings online is easy with our service.

    Better

    Our service helps you easily sell paintings.

  • Use appropriate keywords in the url e.g.
    Bad

    /page.php?id=1232

    Good

    /how-to-sell-paintings

Surely it’s not that simple?

Well actually I think it is. Basically google (for now english language search is pretty much all about google) has some of the best brains and technology continually working to ensure it has the most relevant, useful and authoritative results. It’s therefore simple enough to presume that long term the most relevant, useful and authoritative results will tend to feature first, so really all you have to do is be relevant, useful and authoritative - simple, but not necessarily easy. Yes there are plenty of other techniques and factors (HTML validation, link anchor text, page cachebility) but none of them

Finally, don’t cheat

And don’t be tempted to go for any ‘black hat‘ SEO technique - do not run the risk of being penalised. Think long term and focus on quality.

Make an impact, Customize your Twitter background

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Published by Mr Kirkland March 19th, 2009 in twitter. 0 Comments

So Mr Kirkland has just launched Artweet, a handy little service for pimping your profile with a customized twitter background.

Even peeps with photoshopping ability will still find it a useful as you can create your own personalised background with mug shot, message and might in 3 clicks and a few taps.

It’s new so the paint’s probably still a little sticky, but give it a go and lemme know what you fink. I’ll be adding more backgrounds and open to your demands/requests/pledges of marrage.

Why are you still stressed from your work? not working smart eh?

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Published by Mr Kirkland March 17th, 2009 in smart business. 1 Comment

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’ve got a roof over your head, a non polluted water supply and do not need to dodge death escaping from lions/godzilla etc. every day. In fact chances are you have graduated to the higher ranks of Maslow’s hierachy of needs and maybe even some designer crockery in which to serve your Gordon Ramsay Goat Cheese Salad. So I put it to you that the prehistoric fight or flight reaction called stress which is ultimately for saving you from imminent death is simply not relevant to your modern life.

How to reduce stress from work - work smart

There’s tomes of material on reducing stress, particularly at work, but on a micro level I think it all simply boils down to to what you do with your thoughts. Simply, being more aware of yourself rather than locked in ‘toxic thought’ is all it takes. There’s plenty ways of doing this, but for todays Mr Kirkland blog post, I’d like to explore the idea of working smart, not working hard.

To me, working smart means actively being aware of how you are working and looking for ways you can be more efficient, getting more done with less effort - a total no brainer! Working Smart is an attitude more than a specific technique, all it really takes is to stop regularly and ask yourself “am I working smart here?” For example I try dedicate some of my work time every week to reading up on techniques/practices that will make me more efficient or better at what I do.

In addition to the attitude of working smart, it’s important to identify where you’re not working smart and still working hard.

Tell tales signs of working too hard

  1. It’s good to work hard, I feel like I’m getting more done.
    This is a convincing and difficult habit to break - I almost equate this thought to burying one’s head in the sand. If you’re too busy working and not thinking about how you work, then chances are you’re not as efficient as you could be. Moreover if you motivation is driven by the feeling that you’re getting more done, then you’re not living in reality. Come back to reality, stop, go home early and think about how you could work smarter if you’re working smart then you’ll get twice as much done
  2. If I don’t work hard, someone else/a competitor will move in
    Maybe, but if your competitor is working smart then they’ll overtake you regardless of how hard you work.
  3. Thinking about your work outside of the office
    Simple, when you’re not at work, you shouldn’t be working. Even if you run your own business, take time out to relax and think of other things, you’ll come back to work fresher with more energy.
  4. Putting off doing your real passions
    If you’re not making time everyday to pursue your life passions, start now - don’t put it off. Don’t make the make “having to work” a half arsed excuse for not pursuing your dreams - it’s your life make the most of it now.
  5. I feel stressed but I just want to finish this task
    I think this is a classic symptom of working too hard, even though you know you are tired/stressed you get caught up wanting to finish some (usually trivial) task before you stop. If you realise you are stressed, stop immediately, do some breathing exercises, relax until you feel noticebly better - and if you can’t de stress in a few minutes get away from work completely for a while.
  6. Irrational Fear of Lizards
    It’s okay, lizards just want to be your friend - meditate, breath and relax.

Conclusion

Okay, I think that’s enough for today - write “I always work smart” on a post it note and stick it onto your forehead. No go out and play.

How to get excellent keyword search results

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Published by Mr Kirkland March 2nd, 2009 in Google, search and sensible. 2 Comments

After many years of toil, sweat and sacrifice I believe I have finally unraveled the secret to obtaining long term ‘excellent’ keyword search results.

Firstly, one needs to understand what “excellent keyword search results” actually means. And of course (as I’m sure you’re wise enough to know without being told), they refer to the most amusing results.

Top 10 Keywords, Sentence Game, January 2009

top 10 search terms sentence game 2009

amazing!

5 steps to success

  1. Start a simple word game website
  2. Wait for ‘mature’ males to start playing
  3. Stand back and watch the endless reams of nonsense and toilet humour amass
  4. Soon google will have enthusiastically sucked up all your “original” content
  5. Success! long term page 1 ranking for “spastic porn”, “frotage” etc.

Conclusion

Now-a-days, having retired from fortune acrued of the tens of $0.01 google adsense clicks each month, I spend most my days idling on the deck of my San Tropez yacht being fed organic grapes whilst simultaneously being massaged and bathed in goats milk.

Further reading check out the sentence game.

My Current Top 5 ‘Healthy Work’ Practices

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Published by Mr Kirkland February 27th, 2009 in smart business. 1 Comment
  1. Start the day with an important task - do this before you check your email/phone/SNS etc

    You’re probably aware of how much time you fritter away swapping between email, work, text message, news etc. I fritter my time away too, however I make a point of starting the day with a focused and ‘important’ task and do this for at least an hour before I even open my email client.

  2. Regular Breaks every 45 mins

    Sure you know this one - concentration/efficiency starts to nose dive the longer you go without a break - doesn’t have to be long, even just a few headstands will do :).

  3. Work Standing Up

    Seems to be plenty of discussion on this subject, and I just started this recently. If you’ve not done martial arts/tai chi then I recommend you learn the tai chi stance - basically relaxed, balanced posture with slightly bent knees (all the time).

  4. Less multi tasking

    I’m not so cool, I find attempting to do multiple tasks at the same time usually results in me achieve multiple inefficienies.

  5. Finish Early

    When I work late (as in past an 7 hour work day) I’m simply wasting my life. I’m less efficient, more prone to making mistakes, causing stress in my body and chances are if I’m not getting my work done in a reasonable time frame then I need to take time off anyway and think about why I’m so inefficient (or setting un realistic goals).

10 things freelancers could do better

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Published by Mr Kirkland February 21st, 2009 in smart business. 2 Comments

I’ve pretty much never had a job and always been self employed/ a business owner plus I’ve had very little formal business training, so I think I’m particularly well qualified to talk about mistakes that freelancers can make :)

Here’s 10 tips from my own personal experience and from observing other freelancers/small business - learn from our mistakes so you don’t have to make them yourself!

  1. Find/Develop Your Niche

    You probably have a number of skills, some better than others and some you enjoy more than others. Establish which ones you are most suited to and make that your niche, rather than being a ‘Web Designer’ become an ‘Expert in Small Business Ecommerce Websites’ or a ‘Specialist in Fashion Portfolio Websites’.

    This allows you to really hone your skills, understand your typical clients needs and you’ll be a ‘no brainer’ choice even if you are more expensive when compared with less niche vedors - If you tooth hurts do you go to a doctor or a dentist?

  2. Don’t Work Hard - Work Smart

    This is no secret and especially important for small business owners and freelancers. You have probably heard this idea already and chances are you’ve read The 4-hour Work Week but are you putting this into practice? Do you still often feel you ’should be working’, do you find that you prefer to bury yourself in tasks and to be busy? Stop, everyday you should be looking at your efficiency, your mood, the bigger picture - this is vital for freelancers and business owners.

  3. Make A Business Plan

    What are you going to be doing in 1 year, 3 years and 5 years from now? How are you going to get there? How much money will you make this year? What/Where is your market? Who is your competition? What do you do that is unique amongst your competitors? What are your strengths and weaknesses? These are typical questions you answer with your business plan and if you haven’t given them serious thought stop and do this before you do anything else.

    You may not think so, but as a freelancer you are running a business, and running a business without a business plan is like hiking in mountains without a map. Sure you may be lucky and stumble across a well trodden path, but you may get lost days, fall to your death or be eaten by a hungry lizard.

    Make sure you have a plan - without knowing which direction you are headed, how can you possibly take a single step and know it’s the right direction?

  4. Charge The Right Price - Understand Your Value

    In my 10 years of experience, the vast majority of freelancers I’ve come across under value themselves and charge too little even after they are established and in demand. My simple advice is charge more than you think you should. Why?

    • Once you’ve quoted a fee, it’s much harder to raise it later than to lower it
    • If you’re more expensive than other freelancers, then you automatically appear to be the higher quality choice
    • Projects almost always go over time
    • You’ll probably average around 15 days of actual work a month, much of your time will be taken up with non-billable tasks, so set your hourly rate to compensate.
    • Clients want the most for their money - expect them to try and expand the brief without expanding the budget (see “setting the rules” below)
  5. Take a holiday

    How many holidays did you have last year? Did you even have a holiday last year? This is one of the reasons you’re a freelancer you have freedom to take time off - take it! And
    it doesn’t have to be a month long trip to the Bahamas, if you’re in a quiet patch with no work (and maybe low on cash) don’t just sit around stressing, go off for a few days walking, climbing, cycling, snowboarding or whatever.

  6. Have A Professional Website

    You don’t need a complex, flashy or expensive website. It can be concise or even just one page, but make sure it is made professionally i.e. well designed and branded, excellent usability and accessibility, no technical problems.

    Ideally you should be using your website as a marketing tool and not just an online brochure of what you do. This means blogging, articles, tutorials and anything that is likely to raise your profile and drive traffic to your site, but more on this another time…

  7. Good Accounting/Billing Practice

    Firstly, there’s plenty of tools out there now to make the routine tasks of tracking time, invoicing, booking keeping easy and even automated. So there’s no excuse not to be sending invoices and reminders on time, or being late with your tax return.

    Specifically with invoicing, you might want to try a few ideas to ensure your clients pay on time or early - discounts for early payment (5% of next invoice), penalties for late payment, payment up front. And automated email invoice reminders (check this tool) save you the bother!

  8. Save For Your Tax Return

    As a freelancer you usually have to declare your income and pay tax at the end of the tax year, so you need to have a rough idea of how much tax you will have to pay each year. If you can’t cover this then you are going to be in trouble! So you need to make sure you have kept aside more than enough to pay this - 25% of your income is a fairly common suggestion, though you’ll need to research the tax laws applicable to your case.

  9. Set The Rules

    When dealing with clients, make sure they are operating on your terms or as Bob Marley wisely pointed out “give them a yard and they take a mile”. You should have a terms and conditions document that you include in all contracts, or get clients to sign before you do business.
    It’s up to you what your rules are, there’s plenty of samples online, but here’s some quick random ideas to get you thinking:

    • All new clients have to pay X% up front
    • Any work not mentioned in project brief will be billed at the standard hourly rate
    • Invoices must be paid within 30days or will accrue a 5% penalty
    • Support phone calls will be billed at $X/hour
    • I don’t pick up my mobile after 5.30pm or better still don’t give out your mobile at all
  10. Think Big

    You may just be starting out and have little personal experience of great success but don’t limit yourself with your own thinking - the mightiest oak in the forest started from a single little seed.

    A few book suggestions to help your thinking:

How To Kidnap Yuki From Her Shop

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Published by Mr Kirkland February 5th, 2009 in sensible. 0 Comments

err…

Photo Of The Month - No1 Shinbum

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Published by Mr Kirkland October 31st, 2008 in other. 0 Comments

Photo of the month

The Foreign Correspondents Club Japan have published one of my Shibuya pix as “Photo Of The Month” in this month’s No1 Shinbum magazine - splendid! Many thanks to Joseph Ward for his masterful photography.

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